In Loving Tribute to My Grandma, Mary Ann Bertels (1932–2021)

This has been a hard week for my family, but I am feeling very grateful at the end of it.

On the night of Christmas, when we got bad news about my grandma, we all worried that so many of her loved ones wouldn’t be able to say goodbye. My parents jumped in the car and drove to Kansas City, hoping and praying they would get there in time.

Fortunately, they made it and were able to spend time with her in her final days. Some of my mom’s siblings and some of my cousins were able to be there, too. My sisters and I were able to call her and shower her with love and inside jokes one more time. My mother got to hold her hand as my grandma mouthed “I love you” at a time when my mom thought she might not hear her say another word. Mary Ann Bertels generously, and perhaps, a little stubbornly, waited until everyone got to have their moment with her before she passed away at age 89 on New Year’s Eve.

I’m grateful that all of this played out the way that it did. I’m grateful that, when I visited her on her 89th birthday, she was still able to recognize all of us and make us laugh with her irreverent and unfailingly self-deprecating sense of humor. I’m grateful that I was able to walk her down the aisle at my sister Brenna’s wedding. I’m grateful that the memory care senior facility where she lived for the last several years of her life took such great care of her until the end.

And most of all, I’m grateful for having such a wonderful grandparent in my life for almost 31 years. I will always treasure the memories of all of the family gatherings, Kansas basketball games and laughs I was able to share with her.

My grandma spent most of her life taking care of people. She was married to my grandpa for 65(!) years and had eight kids, 15 grandkids and 33 great-grand kids, (plus eight sons- and daughters-in-law and 10 granddaughters- and grandsons-in-laws), so she always had family to care for, but she had a servant’s heart that extended far beyond those she held most dear.

My grandma had a passion for taking care of the elderly. From my mom’s first memories, she was working as a CNA at a local nursing home. She later served as an activities director there, and then at another nursing home. She also worked at a grocery store, she was a waitress, and in her last job, she worked at a cafeteria at the local Catholic grade school.

Even when she got older and moved into a nursing home, she maintained her special ability to engage with the older residents (“the little old ladies,” she endearingly called them). She never seemed to see herself as one of them, even as dementia took its toll in her later years.

When my sister, brother-and-law and I visited her at the memory care facility a couple years ago, she was annoyed that she wasn’t allowed to keep her money anymore. With a smirk on her face, she cracked, “I don’t know who’s going to steal it — the 90-year-old or the 100-year-old.” I could rattle off little stories like this all day; she just had a charm and wit that left an impression on everyone who crossed her path.

We will all miss her so much, but I am heartened to know that her memory will live on through all the lives she touched. Especially, in my mind, through my mom, who inherited her loving and concerned nature, and has consciously emulated her caring and supportive ways as a wife, parent and person. I’m eternally grateful, for all of this and more. We love you so much, grandma.